Comments on: Why Women Need Validation In A Relationship! http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/ Because Love Just Isn't That Simple Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:26:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Lindzee http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-6538 Lindzee Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:31:38 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-6538 Wow, I just came across your blog today (thanks, Twitter!) and happened to browse through a few of your old entries and came across this. Too bad it wasn't a few weeks sooner. Earlier this week, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me. I was completely blindsided... He said it was because we were "too different" and "fought too much"... But in reality, all of our fights were about the same thing and we'd only been rocky for about a month. I wish I could have put this into words the way that you did. Our biggest fight had to do with him never buying me a Christmas present. I brought it up almost 6 months later (thus beginning the rocky period), by which point I should've let it go, but it still bothered me. He actually had bought one, it just got lost in the mail or something (seriously) and he never took the time to pick out another. It wasn't the present that I wanted, but the validation from his efforts to let me know that I meant as much to him as he did to me. Because I spent a month picking his out. But when I brought it up, he felt like I wasn't appreciating the things that he was doing. And I guess I wasn't. I guess we didn't speak the same "love language"... I'm a gifts/words of affirmation kind of girl and he's an acts of service/physical kind of guy. Sorry for the venting, I'm still trying to work this all out for myself. I shared the article with him, doubtful that it will do any good, but you never know. It feels awful to end a relationship over something so silly. Thanks for your insightful words :) Wow, I just came across your blog today (thanks, Twitter!) and happened to browse through a few of your old entries and came across this. Too bad it wasn’t a few weeks sooner.
Earlier this week, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me. I was completely blindsided… He said it was because we were “too different” and “fought too much”… But in reality, all of our fights were about the same thing and we’d only been rocky for about a month.
I wish I could have put this into words the way that you did. Our biggest fight had to do with him never buying me a Christmas present. I brought it up almost 6 months later (thus beginning the rocky period), by which point I should’ve let it go, but it still bothered me. He actually had bought one, it just got lost in the mail or something (seriously) and he never took the time to pick out another. It wasn’t the present that I wanted, but the validation from his efforts to let me know that I meant as much to him as he did to me. Because I spent a month picking his out. But when I brought it up, he felt like I wasn’t appreciating the things that he was doing.
And I guess I wasn’t. I guess we didn’t speak the same “love language”… I’m a gifts/words of affirmation kind of girl and he’s an acts of service/physical kind of guy.
Sorry for the venting, I’m still trying to work this all out for myself. I shared the article with him, doubtful that it will do any good, but you never know. It feels awful to end a relationship over something so silly. Thanks for your insightful words :)

]]> By: Jo http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-5800 Jo Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:39:35 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-5800 You just described my 8 month relationship to a tee. When a man loves you he validates you without you asking. I too was getting only acts of service and non of the other languages of love. I split with my guy last night. I feel this time I was with someone who was honest - said he thought I had more feelings for me than I did for him. He confirmed what I already knew he was just not that into me. He also asked why I needed validated by him. I agree with your blog. Because when you have a good relationship and a good connection you validate each other. I have been single one whole day and funnily enough already feel my self esteem return. My advice dump your guy. Stop making excuses for him. If he felt it he would show it. J You just described my 8 month relationship to a tee. When a man loves you he validates you without you asking. I too was getting only acts of service and non of the other languages of love. I split with my guy last night. I feel this time I was with someone who was honest – said he thought I had more feelings for me than I did for him. He confirmed what I already knew he was just not that into me. He also asked why I needed validated by him. I agree with your blog. Because when you have a good relationship and a good connection you validate each other. I have been single one whole day and funnily enough already feel my self esteem return. My advice dump your guy. Stop making excuses for him. If he felt it he would show it. J

]]> By: The Queen http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-825 The Queen Sat, 18 Jul 2009 01:54:10 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-825 It totally blew my skirt up to know that this touched someone. Honestly, it took me a long time to figure out that 'validation' was the word I was looking for. I used to just walk around thinking, "Something is missing". Um, so I basically had to go google my feelings...no shit. I stumbled onto validation and then everything started making sense. Please don't tell anyone that I had to google my inner most darkest feelings, that would really be embarrassing. You have to keep me posted with things and let me know how it's going. Good luck! :) It totally blew my skirt up to know that this touched someone. Honestly, it took me a long time to figure out that ‘validation’ was the word I was looking for. I used to just walk around thinking, “Something is missing”. Um, so I basically had to go google my feelings…no shit. I stumbled onto validation and then everything started making sense. Please don’t tell anyone that I had to google my inner most darkest feelings, that would really be embarrassing. You have to keep me posted with things and let me know how it’s going. Good luck! :)

]]> By: sherry http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-805 sherry Mon, 13 Jul 2009 15:38:01 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-805 i love you even more!!..i printed off your article and he actually read it over and over and when i asked (nicely) if he read it, he looked at me and said "i have alot to learn." he also does EVERYTHING around the house (building, trash, laundry, hands over his unemployment check (which really helps since I got laid off after 11 years WHICH i'm still in mourning over). we've started talking and its so much more comfortable. your article did it. he wants to learn the computer so he can read more (he's a carpenter and intimidated by the computer). so, i agree with EVERYTHING you said to me.....it will just take me a LITTLE longer...I'LL BE BACK! :) i love you even more!!..i printed off your article and he actually read it over and over and when i asked (nicely) if he read it, he looked at me and said “i have alot to learn.” he also does EVERYTHING around the house (building, trash, laundry, hands over his unemployment check (which really helps since I got laid off after 11 years WHICH i’m still in mourning over). we’ve started talking and its so much more comfortable. your article did it. he wants to learn the computer so he can read more (he’s a carpenter and intimidated by the computer). so, i agree with EVERYTHING you said to me…..it will just take me a LITTLE longer…I’LL BE BACK! :)

]]> By: The Queen http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-791 The Queen Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:01:42 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-791 <strong>i love you! when i read this article i felt like you were talking about my life. unfortunately i am in a situation that is very uncomfortable for me. i stupidly did the whirlwind thing, let him move in, found out that he is kind of a jerk, has NO clue about what a relationship is supposed to be. I brought up validation a couple of times and got criticized. i told him point blank after months of conflict that him and i were not going to happen (usually i stay in bad relationships until i’m up against the wall and need escape). he is now renting my spare bedroom because he has nowhere else to go, no friends, no license so i feel i have to cart him around and i’ve neglected my SECURE single life (my fault). now i want him out of my house. i hide in my room and have decided that i am not going to interact with him because it always ends up in a fight, he is an angry person. i don’t want to just throw him out in the street. unfortunately my daughter (whole other story) and grandson like him. they don’t see the OTHER side and i get criticized all the time. i have started to do my own thing and started praying again. i feel strong but still uncomfortable in my own house. any advice? should i throw him out on his ass? there is no love between us (although he still thinks so) but for me its dead.</strong> Sherry, Please make this dude a packed lunch and send him on his way. He is going to drain you emotionally. I mean, you are basically living with your ex. How are you suppose to move on with your life if he is still in the picture, like a thorn in your side? No friends? No license? Nothing? He sounds like a professional loser to me. You should alway be weary of a man that doesn't have any friends, no..it doesn't mean he's not likable, it means he doesn't know how to maintain relationships which you probably already figured that out. Speak and take up for yourself. Trust your own decisions and know that kicking him out of your house is the best choice. Think of all the men you could be entertaining. Think of the life you could be living. It's time to move on and kick the past out. You don't have time to wait around to get validation, if he doesn't know how to have a relationship, if he doesn't know how to validate...he probably never will and probaby isn't up for much change. You deserve happiness and do not tell yourself otherwise. You do not owe this guy the shit on the bottom of your shoe. Don't feel sorry for him, that's probably how he lives his life...making others feel guilty. He is not your responsiblity. He is a grown man. He needs to carry his ass to the Department Of Motor Vehicles and get a DL or he needs to go the nearest flea market and get a bike. You are not his taxi cab. He sounds like a charmer if you ask me. That might be why your children and grandmother like him, they can't see him for what he really is. Don't allow your family to buy into this con man any longer. Wouldn't you rather kick him out and find someone that you ALL like? He sounds like a leech to me. No real man would hang around another woman that didn't want him unless he was getting something from it and I call this a leech. He will suck you dry emotionally and financially. Don't deny yourself the love, affection and validation you deserve. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of a relationship, some people just don't have it to give. If you continue to allow him to stay at your house, eventually you will have so much resentment and hatred toward him you might just stab him with a kitchen fork, or worse you might turn that resentment and hatred back on yourself for putting up with this a one day too many. Don't be afraid of being alone. I always say it's better to be alone and happy than to be alone, with the wrong person, denied, unvalidated, feeling unwanted and hopeless. Do yourself and your soul a huge favor- take this dude to the furthest soup kitchen and tell him to have a nice life and wish him luck. i love you! when i read this article i felt like you were talking about my life. unfortunately i am in a situation that is very uncomfortable for me. i stupidly did the whirlwind thing, let him move in, found out that he is kind of a jerk, has NO clue about what a relationship is supposed to be. I brought up validation a couple of times and got criticized. i told him point blank after months of conflict that him and i were not going to happen (usually i stay in bad relationships until i’m up against the wall and need escape). he is now renting my spare bedroom because he has nowhere else to go, no friends, no license so i feel i have to cart him around and i’ve neglected my SECURE single life (my fault). now i want him out of my house. i hide in my room and have decided that i am not going to interact with him because it always ends up in a fight, he is an angry person. i don’t want to just throw him out in the street. unfortunately my daughter (whole other story) and grandson like him. they don’t see the OTHER side and i get criticized all the time. i have started to do my own thing and started praying again. i feel strong but still uncomfortable in my own house. any advice? should i throw him out on his ass? there is no love between us (although he still thinks so) but for me its dead.

Sherry, Please make this dude a packed lunch and send him on his way. He is going to drain you emotionally. I mean, you are basically living with your ex. How are you suppose to move on with your life if he is still in the picture, like a thorn in your side? No friends? No license? Nothing? He sounds like a professional loser to me. You should alway be weary of a man that doesn’t have any friends, no..it doesn’t mean he’s not likable, it means he doesn’t know how to maintain relationships which you probably already figured that out. Speak and take up for yourself. Trust your own decisions and know that kicking him out of your house is the best choice. Think of all the men you could be entertaining. Think of the life you could be living. It’s time to move on and kick the past out. You don’t have time to wait around to get validation, if he doesn’t know how to have a relationship, if he doesn’t know how to validate…he probably never will and probaby isn’t up for much change. You deserve happiness and do not tell yourself otherwise. You do not owe this guy the shit on the bottom of your shoe. Don’t feel sorry for him, that’s probably how he lives his life…making others feel guilty. He is not your responsiblity. He is a grown man. He needs to carry his ass to the Department Of Motor Vehicles and get a DL or he needs to go the nearest flea market and get a bike. You are not his taxi cab. He sounds like a charmer if you ask me. That might be why your children and grandmother like him, they can’t see him for what he really is. Don’t allow your family to buy into this con man any longer. Wouldn’t you rather kick him out and find someone that you ALL like? He sounds like a leech to me. No real man would hang around another woman that didn’t want him unless he was getting something from it and I call this a leech. He will suck you dry emotionally and financially. Don’t deny yourself the love, affection and validation you deserve. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with wanting more out of a relationship, some people just don’t have it to give. If you continue to allow him to stay at your house, eventually you will have so much resentment and hatred toward him you might just stab him with a kitchen fork, or worse you might turn that resentment and hatred back on yourself for putting up with this a one day too many. Don’t be afraid of being alone. I always say it’s better to be alone and happy than to be alone, with the wrong person, denied, unvalidated, feeling unwanted and hopeless. Do yourself and your soul a huge favor- take this dude to the furthest soup kitchen and tell him to have a nice life and wish him luck.

]]> By: sherry http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-790 sherry Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:01:39 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-790 i love you! when i read this article i felt like you were talking about my life. unfortunately i am in a situation that is very uncomfortable for me. i stupidly did the whirlwind thing, let him move in, found out that he is kind of a jerk, has NO clue about what a relationship is supposed to be. I brought up validation a couple of times and got criticized. i told him point blank after months of conflict that him and i were not going to happen (usually i stay in bad relationships until i'm up against the wall and need escape). he is now renting my spare bedroom because he has nowhere else to go, no friends, no license so i feel i have to cart him around and i've neglected my SECURE single life (my fault). now i want him out of my house. i hide in my room and have decided that i am not going to interact with him because it always ends up in a fight, he is an angry person. i don't want to just throw him out in the street. unfortunately my daughter (whole other story) and grandson like him. they don't see the OTHER side and i get criticized all the time. i have started to do my own thing and started praying again. i feel strong but still uncomfortable in my own house. any advice? should i throw him out on his ass? there is no love between us (although he still thinks so) but for me its dead. i love you! when i read this article i felt like you were talking about my life. unfortunately i am in a situation that is very uncomfortable for me. i stupidly did the whirlwind thing, let him move in, found out that he is kind of a jerk, has NO clue about what a relationship is supposed to be. I brought up validation a couple of times and got criticized. i told him point blank after months of conflict that him and i were not going to happen (usually i stay in bad relationships until i’m up against the wall and need escape). he is now renting my spare bedroom because he has nowhere else to go, no friends, no license so i feel i have to cart him around and i’ve neglected my SECURE single life (my fault). now i want him out of my house. i hide in my room and have decided that i am not going to interact with him because it always ends up in a fight, he is an angry person. i don’t want to just throw him out in the street. unfortunately my daughter (whole other story) and grandson like him. they don’t see the OTHER side and i get criticized all the time. i have started to do my own thing and started praying again. i feel strong but still uncomfortable in my own house. any advice? should i throw him out on his ass? there is no love between us (although he still thinks so) but for me its dead.

]]> By: crystl http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-750 crystl Thu, 02 Jul 2009 01:26:32 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-750 this is my first time reading your post.. and i loved it.. i completely understoon everything you said.. and why we need validation.. i think my bf needs to read this.. cause this is one of our main problems at the moment.. keep up the good work.. i look forward to reading more ( : this is my first time reading your post.. and i loved it.. i completely understoon everything you said.. and why we need validation.. i think my bf needs to read this.. cause this is one of our main problems at the moment.. keep up the good work.. i look forward to reading more ( :

]]> By: Sarah http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-736 Sarah Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:07:10 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-736 Great article, great information, WONDERFUL advice. Thanks! Great article, great information, WONDERFUL advice.

Thanks!

]]> By: Amy http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-714 Amy Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:37:36 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-714 Awesome post. Totally connected with you. Keep 'em coming! Awesome post. Totally connected with you. Keep ‘em coming!

]]> By: Jason http://queenofrelationships.com/why-women-need-validation-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-690 Jason Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:12:59 +0000 http://queenofrelationships.com/?p=414#comment-690 Hey, Queen! Great to hear from you (and thanks for the quick email letting me know you were alive)! Thanks for another great post! XO, Jason Hey, Queen! Great to hear from you (and thanks for the quick email letting me know you were alive)!

Thanks for another great post!

XO,
Jason

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