Yes, Ladies & Gentlemen…hamsters & gerbils…kibbles & bits, it’s time for somewhat of a more serious post. I know, I hate to be a buzz kill but it had to happen sooner or later. I was actually doing some thinking yesterday (you know, I only do that on Tuesdays and Thursdays). I can’t really remember what I was mulling over but I know it had to do with those things that have a penis (men) and those three little words (touch my kitty I love you).
All vagina’s around the world sit impatiently waiting for that phrase, you know, the three little words. Yes, we bat our eyes and pout our lips trying to hurry the ‘coming of the phrase’. Hell, some of us put so much emphasis on the words that we tend to forget the meaning. I totally just lied, we know exactly what it means and we want you to say it? No, we don’t want you to say it if you don’t feel it, but why the hell don’t you feel it? What if we stroked your nuggets? Would you feel it then? How about breakfast in bed and a 60 minute blow job, could you say it then?
If you were really in love, would you find the balls to spit it out? Is it possible that you are assuming that “I love you” screams “total commitment” and no turning back? Do you think we have you by the nuggets after you say this? Yes, we know…men are not suppose to show their feelings. What about that time when you got teary eyed because the Saints won? What was that about? Oh, that’s different. I love you men but damn, sometimes you can make things so complicated. What? Oh yes, I know that women are complicated too but some of us can be that way because of this thing called “vagina”. Purr.
Look, I had a guy tell me once that you can’t love someone in less than a year. Say, what? I had a dog once that I loved in about two weeks? Oh, it’s not the same? What’s the difference? You both like it ruff, ruff! (I’ll be here all night folks) All joking aside, no less than a year? I feel as if I’m on some kind of love probation. “Yes Queen, you are on love probation for a year and in 365 days we will have your evaluation and decide whether or not you are worthy of being loved”. Well, damn. “In the meantime “Ms. Queen”, you can just bottle up your little feelings until we can decide if we love you or not. Well, double damn.
Look, if you don’t mean it-dammit, don’t say it. BUT (huge but) if you do mean it? What the hell are you waiting for, the rapture? We can only emotionally sit still for so long, you know. Damn, I wish blow up dolls could talk. I would be the first in line for a blow up doll that could talk, scratch that…what about a talking dildo? You know, the ones with 8 different speeds and right after you are done, you click the off switch and it says “Good night sweetheart, I love you”. Okay, a 6 inch piece of plastic saying “I love you” is a little creepy. Desperate times call for desperate measures, right? We’re not looking for anything over-the-top or mind blowing. Hell, you can burp out “I love you” forever all we care. It’s the fart thought that counts.
So, earlier today I put on my “Inspector Love Gadget” hat and went searching for your reasons. Yes, the reasons that you studder on the “L-L-L-L-Love” word. Take it away, Sam! (who the hell is Sam?)
Reasons Men Don’t “I Love You”
1) Don’t Be A Titty Baby: It’s not what you’re thinking. This is not where I preach about how men who love titties are titty babies. Men who love titties are called, Tit Men…just a little FYI. No, this is about how men are conditioned through the years to suck it up and keep going. They are taught to bottle up their feelings and to check out during “share time”. Men don’t hang out in the locker room saying, “Well, how did that make you feel, Bob?”. No, it just doesn’t happen. It never has and it never will.
2)It’s Too Soon Sally: Men have this thing about jumping the gun. I can’t say that I blame them. I mean, what if they let those words slip and then realize that it was a total mistake? You can rewind “I’m in love with you”. Hell, some women take this phrase to the bank, literally. As soon as they hear it, they want a ring on their finger, baby names picked out, the white picket fence and a partridge in a pear tree. Okay, all of that minus the partridge. Yes, men would rather take all the time in the world to make sure it’s right and meaningful.
3)Macho Nacho Man:Most men do not like whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Hey, they have a reputation to uphold. Some men find that little love phrase extremely pansy and sissiefied. Is that a word? They want to keep their macho manliness. Look, if we let you grab your balls when you do it, would that make it easier? A little Michael Jackson never hurt anyone. Shamone! Who’s bad?
4)Rejection Smection: Yes, we know. Not only is it a lot of pressure but there is also that little fear of rejection. Okay, maybe it’s a lot of rejection…I think it really depends on the size of the penis.We all know that men are suppose to say it first. That’s a big bowl of “holy shit”. What if she denies me? What if she gives me a pitty pat and says “Aw, you’re so sweet”? What if she doesn’t say it back? What if she tells all the guys, their all going to laugh at me. We all struggle with the fear of rejection and this is one time I am glad I don’t have a penis. If I were a guy, I would smooth send her a text and say “Do you love me, check yes or no”. You know, elementary style.
5) Days Of The Weakness:Yes, I know I mentioned the macho nachoness but I thought this deserved a number of it’s own. I think that most men are afraid to show that they are vulnerable and saying “I love you” totally puts you in that category. “Here’s my heart, do with it what you will”. Some men assume that saying this makes them weak. Look, women will never think you are weak because you spew this, it will only add brownie points to your manliness. Men, on the other hand? Not so much. You are the weakest link, goodbye.
6) Old Yellar:No, “Old Yellar” has nothing to do with anything BUT men sometimes don’t want to mention love because they do not want it to lose it’s meaning. My question is…how is it going to lose it’s meaning if you don’t ever say it? Mmm, just food for thought! I’m sorry guys but once a blue moon doesn’t cut it. Women need validation, damn us for needing constant reminders. Do you still love me? Okay, just checkin!
7)I Put A Spell On You, Now You’re Mine:I don’t blame men for thinking that we do voodoo on them after they admit the love thing. Some women go straight bonkers after the phrase and think they have the man by the balls. I said “Some”, not “most” and certainly not all. I think we are more apt to put a spell on your if you DON’T say it. Abra-Ka-Dabra! You are getting very sleepy. Anything you say or do could be used against you in a court of law, say what?
Suck My Actions: So, you might really love us…you just show it differently right? Oh, humor me. Men aren’t not verbal like women are. They seemingly show you that they love you in other ways. It’s hard for us women to figure this out. We thought you took out the trash because you enjoyed it. We had no idea you were trying to tell us you..*sniff* loved us. Bless your heart, you get a free blow job tonight! I mean, I’ll put it on your tab!
9) That’s A Negative On The Love: Yes, this is the easiest one to understand. You totally just don’t love us. Here we are head over heels and we just didn’ t have you at hello. Is it something that will happen in the near future? Would you actually stay with a girl even though you didn’t love her? Must we jump through hoops and sing the ABC’s backwards. Well, get out the damn hoops…I’ve got some jumping to do.
I know, I’m sorry- you thought there was going to be a #10. I actually left that one out so someone could give me another logical reason. I’m not trying to be hard on you guys, you know I have nothing but fruit loops and love for you. It’s just the whole “Mars & Venus” thing, ya know? We might not ever figure each other out. I don’t think it would be as much fun if we got each other. It’s our differences that make it so challenging and mysterios. So, what do you say? Do you love me, yet?
Comments Are Appreciated
04/17/09 Why Men Don't Say I Love You 23 Comments
I love you. How’s that?
Oh dear Wallies World, I love you 2. This was all I was asking for and you had me at hello. I’ve already got the dress picked out, the baby names are in order so meet me at the “Justice of the Peace” next Monday at 2:00, I’ll be the girl in the white dress with the ring in her hand.
Why men don’t say “I Love You”? Well, men do what works (and so do women) in relationships. Which is a roundabout way of saying that ‘men’ don’t say this cos ‘women’ aren’t that bothered about hearing it. Which is another way of saying, if this *really* mattered in the game of relationships men would do it!
Steve
PS Don’t shoot the messenger – i.e. me – it’s all Darwin’s fault, really!
Steve- Oh yes, it matters to me…just a little, though. I guess once you have been with someone so long, you start to wonder what their intentions are and if they are feeling the love. This statement kind of puts a flag on the relationship labeling it to move forward or to move on. I know a woman that said she didn’t hear “I love you” until the day of her wedding. Holy smokes, I don’t think I could go that long without hearing this. Yes, actions speak louder than words but a little phrase like this only confirms them.
Oh Queen, I love you too!
Think about this for a moment. I love my relatives but I don’t “like” some of them. I think it’s more powerful to say “I like you!” and really mean it than this weird phrase “I love you” that has so much baggage attached to it.
There are women I’ve dated who I really and truly cherished but I didn’t want to mislead them into thinking she was “the ONE”. I truly felt love in my heart but if I said, “I love you” I just knew she would start shopping for wedding gowns. Sheesh!
How’s this?
“I have a deep and affection for you”
“I care about you.”
“I totally enjoy your company.”
“I appreciate your radiant magnificence.”
“I prefer to be with you rather than anyone else.”
But “I love you”? What the hell does that really mean? And a guy wonders how is saying that going to screw up this awesome thing that we have at this time? How is she going to mis-interpret it and use it against me later? ;o)
So once again dear Queen you have struck blogging gold.
I prefer to read your blog rather than anyone else’s blog. I have a profound affection for your blog. I totally enjoy your blog. I care deeply about your blog. Hell, I really, REALLY like your blog…
But I still kind of want to be able to look at other blogs at least once in a while…you know just to see what else is going on out there in the blogosphere…it doesn’t mean I care about you any less…
Oh please don’t. No. No. Really. Please don’t cry! Okay. Fine if you’ll only stop that sobbing, I promise to never look at another blog again.
With all my care, concern, affection, admiration etc.
Mark
http://www.markshepardsongs.com/giving-up-on-love
Mark- So, you LIKE my blog but you want to see what else is out there before you totally commit to my blog? Mmm. In other words, “just in case something better comes along”. You man, you!
So, I’m right then..love screams committment for men. Damn all the women for going bonkers after hearing “I love you”, now men only assume that all of us are going to do this. I need to hear this so I know that I am not wasting my time. Of course, I don’t want it too soon nor do I want to hear it too late. The timing has to be perfect, are you feeling the pressure? I don’t want to be with someone for years and never hear that they love me because you know what it makes me feel like? Just what you said, that they are waiting for something better to come along before they can settle on “I guess I love you”. lol
Why can’t men just admit that they just can’t say those three little words instead of coming up with excuses like the previous comments. They just can’t do, it’s just that simple.
Geneva- I think that most men are scared of saying it because they see “I love you” as “I am committed to you forever”. I don’t think they can split the two up. So, I guess most men want to wait and make sure that they want to be with you for a good amount of time before they spit the phrase out. Plus, I’m sure some men think that women might go bonkers once they hear it and start planning the wedding and picking out baby names. It isn’t that complex to me. Love is an emotion a feeling, it’s not really a commitment. You can love someone and not be committed to them.
“I Love you” is not the be all and end all of a relationship.
I’d rather someone show they care than throw out 3 words then sit around scratching their balls watching football all night.
As for “I love you” probation? Why wait around? If you’re not feeling it from the other person, without hearing the words, then get out while the going is good.
You don’t owe “I love you” anything, so why invest so much time and energy waiting for it’s arrival? Get on with your life and if it comes, it comes.
P.S. Men do say I love you, sometimes too much & too soon, but actions speak louder than words.
Deb- Oh darnit, you’re right. We all crave that phrase but if I had to pick between ‘hearing’ and ‘meaning’ it, I would just meaning it. I would never want someone to say that just because they knew I wanted to hear it. That would be kind of pointless. No, I’ve never been turned on or recieved any gratification from men scratching their balls. Juggling them? YES! Scratching them? Not so much! You’re right about putting too much focus on the phrase, if you do this- you are setting yourself up to be dissappointed and I hate being dissappointed! lol
Excellent topic and well presented!
Ok, I’ll give this a whirl.
“Cats and dogs.”
Thank you
Actually, I mean it. Changing the stripes on a zebra, cats and dogs are just examples of sayings based from truth.
I have numerous male friends who, after talking with their wife or GF by phone, say I love you or in reply to her, I love you too. Here’s the tricky part, do they mean it? Nope, not in the passionate way we say it. I believe it’s pretty much the same for woman. Then why say it? For men, it’s just easier to say it because she wants him to, then to argue as too why is he just saying words.
I have asked numerous men, numerous, would they be happier not saying I love you at the end of every phone call. I have always gotten a resounding yes. At the other end of the spectrum, the most positive about saying it would state, “If it makes her happy, I don’t mind.” Can’t say they were tickled pink.
I believe men are never going to change woman and woman aren’t going to change men either. I don’t think they should either-we all are who we are. I do agree about working with each other through communication and LISTENING to our partners.
Cats and dogs will always be different, act different, and deal with each other differently, but they can live together. I think this is what we need to understand about each other.
Great topic!
Bobby- You know, it probably wouldn’t be as much fun if we all ‘got’ each other. It would be pretty bland and boring. Women bitch all the time about men not getting us but if you all figured us out so easily, we would probably bitch about that to.Hey, we’re women..it’s what we do
. Damn us for needing validation at the end of every phone call. Really, damn us for needing constant validation. There’s a part of me that wishes I didn’t crave that constant validation, life would be so much easier. But, it isn’t so we much roll with the punches. Just like cats and dogs, women and men adjust to one another’s differences. I think most of us think that some day we will all just ‘get’ it but as soon as you figure one thing out, another one comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s very aggravating but enertaining to say the least.
You know I love you Diva – and I want to play with your kitty. I do so love cats. Teary eyed because of football is completely different than emotional because of women. I mean, it’s football for Christ sake.
Men would rather say I Love You when it means something other than a simple goodbye at the end of a phone call, at least I would – can’t really speak for all men, since some of them are real jerks.
Miss seeing you around twitter – catch up later.
Craig
Mr. Craig Lovensheimer- You’re right, football and saying “I love you” have absolutely NOTHING to do with another. Can you blame me for trying? The phrase seemingly does get old after you hear every single day for a million years.. BUT, there are different “I love you’s”. There’s the “I love you, I’ll be home at 5:00″, there’s the “I love you, you better not do anything stupid”, then there’s the “I love you, I can’t live without anyone else”and there’s “I love you, please help me clean the house”, “I love you, can I go out with the boys”, and “I love you, I did something wrong and I want to make it up to you by saying I love you”, and “I love you, are you mad at me?” . There are different tones and meanings to the phrase and there is an appropriate time for each one. I bet you had no idea there were different ‘I love you’s”. When are you men going to catch on? *wink* Oh, you want to play with my kitty? Probably not a good idea, I have a bad case of the furballs!
Is your last name really lovensheimer? I totally LOVEnsheimer it!! Ahh, I’m so funny. Me make joke!
Hey, Diva:
Haven’t seen you around Twitter, and wanted to say that I miss you.
This was a great and thought-out article. I believe it is just that men and women are so different. My love says “I love you” sparingly, but I know he loves me. His actions speak louder than his words ever could.
But part of it is also love language. I just recently read a book titled “The Five Love Languages”. I recommend this book for anyone. It will help you in any type of relationship.
We each have our own love language. For some, they like to receive presents. Others, a kind word or acknowledgement. Yet some prefer gifts; some small tokens, others large, expensive, and shiny.
I believe this age-old argument can also be summed up in that many (but not all) women have the love language of words and acknowledgement. It is the way we “measure” our “progress” in the relationship. If at some point our man (or woman) isn’t saying those three little words, it makes us wonder if we’re doing something wrong.
Personally, for me, my love language involves a horizontal dance, and if he’s not ripping my clothes off the second the little ones are asleep, that’s when I’m questioning things; but that’s just me….
*wink*
Great article, though.
Hey Crazy Lady Mamma! You know, I’ve read the “Five Love Languages” about a dozen times and each time I read it, I learn something new. Now, if I could only get my Sig. Other to read it. I can only do so much on my side, it has to have some sort of balance from both sides with willingness. It seems so easy in the book but when you start trying to apply it to life, not so much. My love languages are “Words of Affirmation” and “Physical Touch”. Of course, I would have to pick the language that no man comes pre-wired with. My sig. other’s language, I think, it’s acts of service. He’s always doing things for me and I guess I am going to have to learn how to translate that into “I care”. Thanks for stopping by!
I understand that men don’t like to show emotion and many aren’t going to scream I LOVE you from rooftops, but I am a firm believer of “when it’s right it’s right”. If I learned anything from the movie “he’s just not into you” it’s that if a guy likes you then he will show it. And LOVE isn’t far away. For the guys that have said it takes a year? Well then they are never going to really love you. I liked your association with a dog…I loved my dog right away!
Jen
http://www.afterthealter.com
Jen- (www.afterthealter.com)Oh yes, loving a dog is 100% unconditional love…probably because they can’t talk back to you or start an argument, all the can say is ruff ruff and bow wow. You’re right about putting a date on saying, “I love you”. I do not think that this is a phrase that can be tamed. It’s not something that can have an expiration date nor can it have an anticipated date. You feel it when you feel it and if you hold back when you DO feel it, it could possibly damage the relationship. I love how us women have to wait on the man to say it, it’s like we are giving them the power to take the relationship to the next level. Hell, if I love you…I’m probably going to tell you and if you freak out, then it probably wasn’t meant to be anyway. Granted I’m not one to fall in love at the drop of a hat, it takes time and many back massages!
I can only speak for my relationship. I found a guy who says “I love you” and means it many times a day, and so I’m marrying him on Saturday. Although if truth be told, it took him awhile to get that comfortable with the phrase. When we were first dating and he knew he was falling for me, his favourite three words were “It’s not serious!” Methinks the gentleman protests too much. I still tease him about that.
Sparking Red- Oh wow, you’ve got yourself a keeper! I’m so excited for you! I might get married when I’m 50 but I’ll keep you posted. Good luck with the wedding and I wish you the best!
I once had a guy preface “I love you” with I don’t want to marry you or anything but…. Seriously, not making it up.
The one thing I will say though, is I don’t want a man to say it if he doesn’t mean it. Better to have your heart broken then to be lied to AND have your heart broken IMHO.
Miss Attitude: Talk about a back handed compliment. “You’re hair looks good today, it goes great with your big nose”. My bf sometimes does that, he’ll give me a compliment but he just can’t let it be it’s got to be followed by another statement. It’s like he can’t allow himself to just be totally vulnerable to giving a sincere compliment, it’s like he’s got to hold on in some way or another by sticking in a not so nice compliment with it. Yes, I would rather a man not tell me than lie to me!
I think men don’t say it or say it as much because we know how it can be taken on the other side. We fear the implications that saying it brings. Just saying I Love You has one meaning to men, but it has a much deeper and important meaning to women. Now this is a generalization and not true of all men or women. Just my observation.