The Queen of Relationships

During sex, we suddenly remember that Macy’s is having their ” 75% off ” sale on all shoes and accessories, mmmm….what to do…continue having sex and miss out on those fabulous Jimmy Choos or fake it like a roaring tiger and haul ass to the market? Can’t we just fuck at the market? Hey, it’s a win-win!

I read an interesting post with a different point of view of “Women Who Fake Orgasms” . Well,  it didn’t actually have the answer as to why women fake orgasms but more less another woman ask why the hell other women do it? I think the author has a great concept of why we shouldn’t fake the “Big O” but if only it were that simple. While she has some valid points, for some of us, if we had sex until we ‘came’…the cows would be home. Some of us take forever to “Yeehaw”, and sometimes we just want a little bit of lovin’ and not a sexathon. Most of the time, men play off of us. The “few good men” who won’t “Yahoo” until we “Yeehaw”…well, it could turn into an all night’r. This is just one of the reasons women are fakers. I listed a few below but I’m sure I’m missing a chunk of them. Please add to the pile if you know another reason women ’sike-the-dingaling’!

Ego Boost:Sometimes women feel as if men need a little ego boost. Maybe work hasn’t been going so well. Maybe you didn’t get that promotion that you have been yapping about for the past year. Maybe this/Maybe that. Somehow, we feel the need to pat you on the backs sometimes, you know,  a little “job well done”. We see it like this, “Hey, I might have not got that promotion but I sure as hell promoted my woman to the next level of Orgasmia”.

Pity:Sometimes we feel sorry for the guy behind the penis. Hey, sometimes they are just THAT bad. We start to wonder, “This can’t be the first miserable and embarrassing sex act he’s ever preformed”. “I wonder if anyone has gone out of their way to make him feel just a second of something special”. Out of straight pity, we will feel sorry for you and your lack of knowledge or rhythm and we will perform a “fakey” to make it seems as if..just for a second..you knew what the hell you were doing.

It’s Your Cue: Sometimes we get tired of having sex. If you aren’t doing the things you need to do to get us off..sex can become long,dry and hurtful. We know that some of you ‘hold off’ until we ‘go’ so in order to speed the process up, we pretend fake an orgasm so you will hurry the hell up and be done with it already.

Turnin’ You On: Look, we watch the movies..we see how hot and bothered men get when a woman has an orgasm; sometimes we like to do it just to turn you on. Hell, sometimes we do it just to turn ourselves on…

*Yawn*:Sometimes sex can get really mundane and boring. I mean, is he going to go all night? Does it ever end? God, I can’t remember the last time I was so bored. I wonder what I should cook tomorrow for Supper Club. I can’t believe Janice wore that outfit today, never knew purple cow’s existed. Oh shit, totally forgot about this sex thing..stay calm…look like your into it…in 3……2……1…..”Oh..AHCK OooOOoOooOOOoh”.

I’m Blushing: Look, I am not sure if you know this or not but most women (and I do  mean most) can NOT get off without clitoris stimulation. They do not get magical feelings (okay maybe a little) with just your ding dong. So, excuse us if we are a little embarrassed that we can’t orgasm. Sometimes we would rather just fake it than hear, ” WHAT? You mean you didn’t cum?”

Drunk Skunk: Ever have one of those wasted moments, you’re beyond intoxicated and ended up going home with “so-and-so”. It’s all fun and games until someone sobers up. You snap out of your  drunken blur, only to discover that a pot, belly pig has mounted up. Beer goggles are a bitch. Sometimes to save yourself from embarrassment by just running out of the room (taking his pig dick with you), you pull a faker. Mr. Piggy is feeling fantastic because he “thinks” you “O’d” yourself and you’re elated because it’s over and now you can make the walk of shame and cry in your cheerios.

Fake It Til You Make It: Most of us can’t cum on command. Dammit. Hey, if you build it it will cum, right? Some of us just fake orgasms to pump ourselves up into hoping that we will ACTUALLY orgasm. Does it work? No not really, but sometimes it’s just entertaining to say the least.

I think that women have their own personal reasons for faking out the monkey. I could go on about why “I” think women fake it but each situation (and woman) is unique in itself. Sometimes I wonder how good we are at faking it and if Mr. Ding-a-ling ever knows that is just mind-blowing trickery.