The Queen of Relationships

So, today is the day people. It’s “the” day, Valentines Day. It’s the one day  where lovers around the world are gazing into one another’s eyes and whispering sweet nothings. Excuse me while I puke, please. *runs to garbage can* Okay, much better. No really, I’ve never been a fan of Valentines Day. The best Valentines I thought I ever had was last year, by myself. You see, I’ve spent most of my life in “convenient” relationships. I was alone and “they” were alone so it only made sense to meet in the middle and be together. It was just convenient. I don’t think any of the past men ever really gave a shit. Would it be wrong to say that I didn’t give a shit either? I know, I’m a scrooge. With that being said, Valentines didn’t mean jack squat to me. I knew I would get chocolate and a card. The chocolate would be consumed in minutes, the card would be pushed to the side and it was just another day….until today. God, I’m so cheesy.

I’ve been dating him for a little over six months. There’s something different about him. I think about him all the time. I can’t stop staring at him when we are together. He’s always doing things for me. He spends so much time with me. He makes me laugh and while we both have things we need to work on (like everyone else)  it just feels so right. It kind of reminds me of O.J. Simpson. “If the glove doesn’t fit, then you must acquit”. Well, the glove fits people! It fits perfectly. Wow, did that make sense? I just pulled that one out of my hoo ha.

Moving on. He came over yesterday to visit me before he went to work. You know, he does that often. He works nights. I kissed him good-bye and already started to miss him. Look people, I can’t help it…I don’t know what’s going on with me. This is not normal. I spent most of the night working on my blog and playing on the computer. He texts me. He tells me that he has hidden my Valentine presents somewhere around the house and at 12:01 he would tell me where they were. Are you kidding me? Like, seriously? I thought it was the cutest thing ever. I started tearing the house apart looking for the goodies.

I told him that I thought he was lying because I watched him all day and didn’t see him hide anything. Yes, I am a stalker. He said, “Oh really?”. Okay, so maybe I didn’t stalk him 24/7 yesterday. I started in the wash room. I looked in all the cabinets, in the trash (hey, you never know), behind the clothes and in the dryer. It was nowhere to be found. He texts me again. “You only have thirty minutes until 12:01, are you going to make it?”. Damn, I felt as if I were looking for a bomb and if I didn’t find it before the clock struck 12:00, we were all going to die. I started looking again. For some reason, I kept thinking that he was lying to me and that when 12:01 finally came around he would laugh and scream, “Suckkkker!!”.

I went into every bedroom and ravished it. Yes, I said ravished. I looked in all of the closets, in all of the cabinets, in the bathroom, underneath the sink, up above, down beneath, you name it. I then got the bright idea that it’s probably not in the house. 19 minutes. I asked him if it was in the house and he said, “No”. SCORE! I’m so bright. I waltzed outside and started on my scavenger hunt. Where the hell could this stuff be? I had no idea what I was looking for. He then proceeded to tell me that it was in a bag and then was placed in another bag, covered up.

I dove into the storage room as if I were searching for a million dollars. I pushed everything to the side, making a mess. 10 more minutes. I looked in the dog food bag, pushing away the kibbles n bits to see if I saw anything. Nothing. I looked in the charcoal bag to see if it was there and nothing. Now, I smelled like dog food and charcoal,  just freaking lovely. 5 more minutes. I had five more minutes and I couldn’t help but think that any moment now “Sucker”, I was going to be called a sucker.

I gave up. I sat down outside for a brief moment to collect my thoughts. Where could it be? I looked everywhere. He text me again. “Go open the front door and then call me”. Dammit, I knew I should have looked in the bushes. I already looked underneath the front door mat and nothing. I must have overlooked it. I turn the porch light on and I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see what it was, it was 12:01. I opened the door and there he was, leaning against the brick..holding gifts. I almost peed myself. He scared the shit out of me and then I was speechless. I’ve never been on cloud nine before but I think this is what it felt like.

Who in the hell does this? Who takes the time to plan something like this out? I have never had anyone do something like this before. It was the sweetest thing. We opened presents and we told each other “Happy V-day”. The gifts he got me were extremely nice and I loved them but I couldn’t get over what he had just done. It’s the little things. It doesn’t matter if you get a crappy box of chocolates or diamonds, it really is the thought that counts. Did I just say that?

I want to apologize in advance for going “cheesy” on you, I really couldn’t help it. I also don’t want to make anyone feel bad because they might be alone for Valentines Day. Honestly, like I said, I’ve been alone for Valentines Day before and I had no problem buying myself chocolate and watching ridiculous “girly” movies. Yes, it’s nice to know that someone loves you on Valentines Day but what’s most important is that you love yourself. Happy V-Day!