Remember that song that Bette Midler used to sing?….”From A Distance?” Please don’t make me bust out the microphone. Damn, I loved that song and shit, I’m old. There’s actually a website called “Loving From A Distance” which caters to couples that are in a long distance relationship. Mmmm, You know- I can’t actually say that I’ve ever been in a long distance relationship. So, does that mean I’m not entitled to write about it? I actually have had several friends that have tried this. I’ve heard the stories, the glories and the gory details.
It always seems that most people that get into long distant relationships are afraid of commitment. This isn’t always the case, but sometimes is. It’s like an uncommitted, committed relationship. That’s the best way to put it. Nonetheless, many people do and succeed at these kind of relationships, but they do have the cards stacked against them.
When you live so far from someone, you are in the honeymoon stage 24/7. You are unable to go through the phases of getting to know one another. You are unable to learn each others mannerisms. You can be whoever you want to be on the phone, through e-mail and snail mail. The true test is when you come together, in the same town and start to go through the motions of a real relationship.
It’s easy to be a dreamer in relationships like this. You can make believe and dream about the relationship in whatever way you like. It’s mostly a facade. Without having your partner to confirm certain ideas and actions, you can just make up the rest.
Here are some ways “Long Distance Relationships” can bitch slap you:
You Avoid Real Problems
It’s so easy to sweep everything underneath the rug in a long distance relationship. When you are together, you really don’t want to take the time to address any problems because you want the visit to be pleasant for the short amount of time they are down. This puts you in the habit of not working out problems together, again they are just swept underneath the rug. This is a quick way to end any sort of relationship.
Compatibility Views
While you are here and he is there, have you ever taken the time to even think about what the two of you have in common? In long distance relationships, the two of you are really never together, so it’s hard to identify the things that could possibly bring the two of you together or tear you apart. Living in the same town allows you to get the true ‘run down’ on each other. You could be spending months of your time dating someone you’re not even compatible with.
Who Are You Really?
Like I said before, living hours away from each other- do you really know who that other person is? In long distance relationships, you can be whoever you want when talking on the phone and on the computer. It’s not until you come face-to-face do you start to realize who this person is that you are dating. It’s so hard to hide flaws when living out of town. People can only hide them for so long but living hours away is an advantage to playing the part of the perfect gentleman.
Can long distance relationships work?
Can it work? Of course. Long distance relationships can work if there is hard work and determination. BUT, you will eventually have to live in the same town. I mean, come people, you can’t really be in a ‘relationship’ with someone out of town forever, right? This is the only way you will know if you are truly meant for each other.
You can only make if:
Be yourself
Show your flaws
Be real
Communicate
Deal w/ conflicts
So, long distance relationships are very hard and trying. I think it’s safe to say that a number of long distance relationships don’t work. This is basically because most couples don’t have to tools to make it work. Be dedicated and have open communication and you might just have yourself a good, solid relationship.
*Disclaimer: I don’t proclaim to know it all. I only know what I know. If you know something different, please know that I want to know! Comment below*
05/19/08 Relationships Comment
