The Queen of Relationships

So, he broke up with you…get over it.  Sounds harsh, right? Well, there are two things you can do:

Get over it.
Don’t get over it.

You can dust your boots off and keep on trucking or you can hang on every last word until your fifty. 50? Yes, fifty. Years ago, I knew a man who got dumped by his wife. Did I mention that this was years ago? Til this very day, he talks as if it happened yesterday. It actually happened 15 years ago. 15 years? Yes, 15 years. He hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t remarried…he lives in his own special hell that he created for himself.

I’m not trying to be harsh but realistic. I’ve been there. I’ve had my heart ripped out of my chest and handed to me on a paper plate. He didn’t even have the decency to put it on a gold platter. Bastard. The worse you can do is believe your own lies in that things will work out and he will come running back. Oh, he might be running but it won’t be in your direction. He broke up with you, it’s over…get over it.

Rejection hurts like hell. You are the one that gets to decide where to go from here. Do you wallow in your own misery? Do you get even? Do you spend your days sulking and trying to figure out what you did wrong? Or, do you regroup and move forward? Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. Like I said, I’ve been there. The one thing you have going for you is time. Time is on your side and with time you will be able to look back and laugh at the fact you ever even shed one tear. You can learn from my list as you go over my list of “No No’s”.

No Communication
No Drop Ins
No Drive By’s
No Bashing
No Obsessing
No What-If’s
No Standing Still
No Reunion
No Regrets
No Fairytale

1)No Communication: This is a big No No! The worst thing you can do is try to get in touch with the fool. All forms of communication are a NO. No e-mail, texting, phone calls or snail mail. I know, it sucks. I know you have been sitting by the phone hoping it would ring. It hasn’t, has it? That’s because he doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t worry he didn’t want to talk to me either. But, I just had to torment myself and call him and beg him for an explanation.

God, could I be any more desperate? I don’t think I was even upset about losing him, it was the way he did it and the slap of rejection. Where did this come from? How could he do this? How could he not want ME? Who does he think he is anyway? Pfft, loser. Ever wonder how someone could get over you so quickly? Let me explain.

As I talked about in my earlier blog, when someone breaks up with you they have been preparing for it. By the time they actually break up with you, they are already over it. They selfishly give themselves time to emotionally disconnect from you. This is why it’s so easy for them to move on afterwords because they actually moved on months ago, you just didn’t know about it.

Also, no drunk dialing. This can lead to one embarrassing moment when you wake up in the morning. You need to put a sticky note on your forehead that reminds you NOT to call him. Keep a list of friends next to your phone and call one of them instead. Believe me, it will save you more heartache and pain. The longer you go without talking to him or seeing him, the quicker the pain will subside and you can move on and get over it.

2)No Drop Ins: What is a drop in? So, you know your X goes to work out at the YMCA every Tuesday night. Well, oh dear lord, you just ‘happened’ to be there the same time he was. You think he doesn’t know that you planned this? It’s obvious since you never work out. Yes, I know you’ve lost a little weight during the break up and you think you look hot and you want him to see you. Get over it. He doesn’t care if you look like Jessica Alba, he’s over it. This will only make you look somewhat psycho and that you are so not over it.

I know how it is. In the beginning, I wanted to run into him to. I always had my hair and make-up just perfect. Now, a year later, I am running from seeing him. If I see his truck parked in the parking lot at the grocery store, I go to another one. If you are not tied to this person b/c of children, be thankful that you can break away and be free. Some of us aren’t as lucky.

3)No Drive Bys: Are you crazy? Ah, just kidding- we all do this. Well, only those of us that will admit it. Why is there some sort of burning desire to know what they are doing, where they are or who they are doing? Why must we taunt ourselves? Why can’t we just hang it up and go on? I could have pulled Celine Dion’s hair for singing, “My heart will go on”, pfft yeah right.

Go ahead and be a stalker. I would love to see his face when he notices it’s you with your baseball cap on riding by in your friends car. Doing a drive by is going to do nothing but hurt you. What if someone else’s car is over there? You are going to start obsessing trying to figure out who is over there. It’s over, you’ve got to get over it. Save your gas and don’t do drive by’s.

4)No Bashing - Okay, you can bash but only to the appropriate people and only to people you trust. If you are bashing the guy to his best friend, not a good idea. You know good and well his friend is going to go straight to him with it. Don’t think for one second that he cares what you are saying about him. He has moved on. This only lets him know that you aren’t over it and that you are bitter and resentful.

If you must bash, start journaling. If you must, cut a picture of him out and put it on the dart board and play darts. You must learn to keep the bashing to a minimum because it will eat you up and cause bitterness. The power of the mind is pretty forceful when it comes to negativity. Trash in, trash out. Try to only focus on the positive. No, you don’t have to talk about what a wonderful guy he was. I don’t want you to lie. You do need to talk about it and get it out but this can’t go on forever. Get it out of your system and then get over it.

5)No Obsessing: This is going to be a normal process but you must try as hard as you can not to be obsessive about this. So many questions are going to run through your mind and you are going to want answers that you might not ever get. It stinks when you are left in the dark like this. You are left to answer the questions yourself and wonder what really went wrong. Was it something you did? Were you just too fat? Were you not intimate enough? Did you not make enough? Were you too messy? Were you too obsessive? Mmm.

You can let thoughts run through your mind 24/7 if you want. Notice I said ,” If you want”. This is all up to you. You can control your thought process to a certain degree. You have to be very proactive about your thoughts and what you are allowing yourself to think. Are you replaying that terrible day in your mind over and again? What is it about humans getting some sort of gratification about something that hurt so bad? When you start getting thoughts about him and the bad break up, tell yourself NO. Remind yourself that you aren’t going to think about it over and over again. You must stop obsessing and there’s no time like the present.

6)No Regrets: You can’t sit there and regret the day you ever met him. Obviously, there was something you liked about him or you wouldn’t have been with him. Obviously, you still care about him or you wouldn’t be so upset about it. Don’t continue to slap yourself in the face regretting the day you ever met him. It’s time to turn a negative into a positive. He did you a favor, right? Try to look at it like that. Have you learned anything from this relationship? What would you do different in the next relationship? Instead of feelings of regret, move forward and focus on feelings of making yourself better. Use the force and get over it.

There is no such thing as a fairy tale ending. I hate to say but Cinderella set us all up for failure. So many people rush to the alter because they think the white dress and the “I do” drifts you into the fairy tale you’ve always wanted. Actually, the fairy tale is what I call the honey moon. Yes, it’s great. It’s filled with great sex, drinks on the beach, room service and sweet nothings. Well, if you can afford to live in the fairy tale forever, kudos to you. In reality, most of us stay in the honey moon stage for maybe a year.

Relationships should all come with a warning label. This is what is should read, “Warning: Takes Time, Compromise,Dedication & Communication”. Relationships aren’t easy and I don’t think anyone ever said that they were. Disney just had a great way of making it look so dreamy and fantastic. Relationships can work but you must be able to meet one another in the middle. You must be able to communicate.

So, it’s over.It’s time for you to get over it. Don’t let this break up consume you. If you do, before you know it you’ll be 50 years old wondering what went wrong? 50? Yes, 50. You have so much to look forward to. You have your entire life. Unless you are pushing 90, then I suggest you hit on one of the hot nurses at the nursing home.Get up, get out and get gone. Don’t sit at home and cry and eat ice cream. You will be miserable and fat. Fill your calender up weeks in advance. Try to make sure that you have something to do, every hour. The busier you are the less time you have to cry and wish. It will get better but only with time. Time is on your side. Eventually, you will wonder why you ever gave him the time of day. I know I still do.