The Queen of Relationships

I was reading a “Love Vs Lust” article the other day. Man, I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was in choir at my junior college, the first day of school. He walked by the door and stuck his head in. My stomach flipped. I was praying to the Gods that he would be in the ‘oh so dorky’ choir. He wasn’t. Ah, my luck. He was tall, dark and you know the rest. I had seen a dozen of handsome boys on campus but immediately I put him on the top of my “to do” list.

Could it be love? Could it be lust? Hell, maybe it’s just gas!

Have you ever felt this way before? You know, your stomach twirls, your cheeks get red, your palms are sweaty and your toes are tingling? It sounds like a horrible feeling when I describe it but it’s actually one of the best. All of a sudden, you notice the birds chirping, the suns rays through the trees and any second Mary Poppins might pop in for another round of “The Spoon Full of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down”. Ahh, the feelings of love, or is it?

You know the saying, ‘love at first sight’ or “I’ve fallen in love“? These are phrases we’ve heard dozens of times. Does “love at first sight” really happen? Honestly, in my opinion, no. What are you falling in love with? His eyes, his bank account, his personality, his cute, little pouty lips? How can we fall in love with someone we know nothing about? Let’s say instead of my first love walking past the choir door room, what if he had his finger jammed in his nose? I would have been totally turned off.

You see, when we first meet someone, they don’t come with a warning label, a manual or a list of character flaws. It takes months and maybe even years to figure out who someone really is and what their faults are. During the first several months of dating, we call it the “honeymoon” stage. Each person puts on their best food forward and dresses to impress. They don’t tell you how they are drowning in debt, how they spent a year in jail, how they still live with their mother or how they love to poot in public.

It’s lust darling. Doesn’t it feel great? The funny thing about lust is that it elevates our dopamine and serotonin levels.  This is where the loss of appetite and the feelings of being in la la land come from. In my opinion, lust can evolve in seconds and love comes with time. Don’t feel bad if you ever mistaken one for the other, they are meshed together so hard sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate. Just know, that love and lust are two totally different things. Of course, I would think you could eventually still lust and love someone at the same time, now THAT would be a good relationship.

See that right there? That itty bitty line? Yes, that’s the fine line between love and lust!

What is Lust? Lust is that little thing that makes a girl giddy. It’s that thing that makes a dude not want to hang out the guys. It’s when you can’t stay away from each other. It’s when you can’t keep your hands off each other. It’s giddy smiles, cute giggles, passionate sex, long conversations, hormonally driven and sparks that go off like 4th of July fireworks. It usually takes two years for some of these feelings to subside.

What is Love? You have your own song by now. You’ve fought and you’ve made up. You communicate. You don’t go to bed mad. The passion isn’t the same, it’s more- it’s no longer skin deep. There are in-depth conversations concerning religion, politics and possibly marriage. It’s a feeling of content. Character flaws have had time to come out and you are still together. You take the good and the bad. You compromise. There is a certain level of respect. You might possibly finish each others sentence. You’ve met each others family. The butterflies have simmered down and you’ve come back to reality but you are no longer lusting, basically because you are in love. If you have any questions for The Queen, please send an e-mail to queen@queenofrelationships.com

So, there is a fine line between what you think it is and what it might actually be. Don’t ever make any rash decisions in the beginning. I know, I know…he/she’s perfect, right? Well, you really don’t know that just yet. At this point, you are only believing what you want to believe. In time, the truth and the real you and the real him/her will come out. Then, when reality is back and you are down from cloud 9, re-evaluate the situation. Many people get married so quickly while in the ‘cloud of lust’….. and months later they find out that the two of them have nothing in common. Don’t be in a rush. Time is on your side.