You know, I remember my younger years sitting in front of the tube obsessing over Cinderella and her Prince Charming, singing alot to “Someday My Prince Will Come”. I hummed that tune through out most of my dating years. I would seemingly settle for “Mr. In The Mean Time” AKA “Mr. Right Now” because I had this feeling that Mr. Right was just around the corner. Or should I say, “Mr. Perfect”? It’s been beat and bruised into our subconscious that there is someone perfect out there for us. We are told to never settle for less. We march through our single lives chanting “Do not settle” and “Someday My Prince Will Come” and before you know it, we’re thirty something years old still waiting for him to come skipping around the corner. Well, if we keep waiting he won’t be skipping, Bertha will be pushing him around the corner in a wheel chair. Funny but true.
Most women make their “To Love List”, you know, the list where they chart what they do and do not want in a partner. We tape it to the bathroom mirror, humming that tune and we sit and wait, and wait, and wait and so on. We sit and wait for that one special person to give us butterflies, that extreme chemistry reaction. When we don’t feel the attraction immediatly we scratch their names off of the list and move on to the next. When he doesn’t wear the name brand shoes we like, we scratch his name off of the list and move on to the next. When he doesn’t have the kind of job we like, we scra-…well, you get my point.
We are all waiting for that perfect day, where the sun is just right, the birds are chirping, there’s a slight breeze and oh, what’s that? Oh my, is that a white horse? Could it be? No, it’s really not…there is no such thing as Prince Charming. Well, at least not in the beginning. I find it possible to find a Prince Charming but that is only after you and him have been together for a bit, know each other, respect one another, compromise, communicate, and love one another. Damn, that’s a lot of work. Hey, love isn’t easy.
My point is, you could be passing up the person of your dreams because you are waiting for, well, the person of your dreams. So what if he comes packaged a little differently? I am not telling you to lower your standards but if you are searching for “Mr. Perfect” you are probably going to be “Ms. Single” for the rest of your life. I’m not really implying that you settle, “settle” is a broad term and has different meanings for different folks. “My” settling would be marrying a man that does drugs, abuses me and cheats on me. THAT is settling to me. Other women’s definition of settling is “If he doesn’t wear a Rolex, drive a beamer, have a six figure income…I’m not interested”. If that’s the case, sometimes it’s really okay to settle.
Women need to learn to broaden their horizons. Dare to date different. Go out with someone you wouldn’t normally date, give a brother a chance. You might actually be surprised. Don’t think of it as lowering your standards, think of it as a new opportunity to meet more men. Hey, if you scratch off a few “don’t wants” and add them to your “wants” you might be that much closer to finding “Prince Charming” or well, at least his brother.
Another cracking post
How true it all is. The perspective is a blokes one obviously for me but…
I spent years looking for something that only existed in my head. Too many years…
Then I had a date with somebody I wouldn’t have looked twice at. A date fixed by a mutual friend who was the line-manager of my date. I used to see them both in their office every now and then. Anyway… The friend sent an email tipping me off that somebody in the office had taken a shine to me. Given that there were just 2 off them you didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to work out who.
It was approaching Valentines Day and I popped into the girls office for some paperwork. During the usual chat I was asked by my friend how many cards I was going to get. I joked: “Just the one… from my mother!” The weekend before Valentines Day I received a card which said: “This is not from your mother!”
Needless to say,I spent the entire weekend turning the air blue, as I tried to decide what to do for the best. Didn’t want to be rude. Didn’t want to spark a diplomatic incident, etc. etc. Remember I hadn’t looked twice at her in that way at all as she wasn’t ‘my type!’
By mid morning on Valentines Day I had plucked up the courage to ask her to lunch, which we did that day. Both of us doing so out of politeness. The ‘date’ if you can call it that was a disaster, as was the return lunch which we also did out of courtesy so as not to be rude.
Then a funny thing happened we agreed to have a meal, with me intending to say this isn’t working! I gather she was going to say the same!! When inexplicably we hit it off… probably as we had both relaxed or something stupid lol
Any way we dated, holidayed together, got engaged & married and were extremely happy together. She had the light inside and it was that and the person inside that I fell in love with more than anything else.
As you know, she died suddenly aged 40 last August & our 3 1/2 wonderful years together was over
I am happy for what we had together but I do kick my self every day for wasting all those years looking for something that probably never existed. Years I can’t get back. But I can’t change that & I doubt I would want to anyway! If I did that I wouldn’t have met the love of my life!!
Going forward I am conscious more than ever that I need to look for happiness in a different way.
Top post!!
Keep up the good work.
Dave x
Baby, great article – but where the hell you been? Miss you loads!
Hello, Doll! I echo Heidi… “Where the hell you been?” Do you not realize your presence on Twitter has been duly noted???
FYI when I read this post, I simply replaced “women” with “gay men” and it works out just as well. I bet you didn’t know your work was so versatile, did you?
Hope you are well. I’ve been worried….
XO,
Jason
I hear what you’re saying, but it’s still so frustrating! And, I refuse to settle. http://tiny.cc/1EXoT
No, I definitely don’t buy into the whole fairytale romance and I understand marriage is hard work, but I don’t want to be miserable for the rest of my life and just date/marry any man just so I can say I have one. That would be HORRIBLE!!!
Our parents and grandparents, etc. didn’t have to settle, so why should we? Settling = desperation. Getting married and having children is important to me, it’s something I really want. But I will not marry someone I don’t love, am not attracted to, etc. What’s the point? Where’s the joy?
[...] Before you go on the search for your soul mate, read my recent post about learning how to “Settle For Your Soul Mate” [...]