The Queen of Relationships

 
Yeah, I know. We’ve all heard about the “Dear John” letter. When I think back on high school, I can remember all the break up letters I had written and received.  You would think that break up letters ended with high school but that’s a negative. Break up letters are just as popular now as they were then. Just because we’ve grown into maturing adults doesn’t mean that we still don’t like taking the “easy” way out.

It is the easy way out, right? I mean, you get to take time to collect your thoughts and figure out what you want to say. You would probably forget all the important things if you did it face-to-face. Besides, who wants to see the facial expression of rejection when you tell someone it’s over? There is really no easy way to break up with someone but it sure does lighten the blow if you shoot them an e-mail. Well, at least for you it does. If you grow the balls to do it face-to-face, then bravo. If you are like many others and don’t know how to confront the person or the issue, it’s time for a break up letter. Here are a few tips to get you started!

1. Outline: Boy, sounds like we are back in high school, eh? You really don’t want to start rambling without some sort of direction. Making an outline will make it easier to track your thoughts. I know, it sounds cheesy, bear with me. Here are a few things to put in your outline:
A. Positive things about your partner (ex)
B. Negative things about your partner (ex)
C. Reasons you have for breaking up with partner. (ex)
I would list positive things in the beginning of the letter. The reason you want to list something positive is because you really don’t want this person to take it so hard. You want them to know that they do have good qualities and you recognize that. Second, it’s okay to say something negative. Obviously, they have done some things to upset you and I think it’s okay to let them know how you feel. Third, you should list your reason for breaking up. Sometimes the negative things and the reasons tend to overlap.

Example: You cheated on me (negative); therefore I am breaking up with you. (reason)

2. Say Negative Things, Not Harsh Things: Most of the reasons we break up with people are due to some sort of negativity. It’s okay to express those negative feelings but do it in a harmless way. It’s hard enough that they are losing you. Do not rub it in by bashing them or belittling them.

Harsh Example: You cheated on me, you no good son of a bitch. I hope you get herpes.
Negative Example: I’m hurt  that you cheated on me.

3. No Finger Pointing: Don’t you want a clean break up? This will not happen if you start to point fingers or try to shift blame. No one wants to feel that being dumped is all their fault. Again, it’s hard enough that they are losing you. Try to go easy on them and avoid blaming it on them, even if it is their fault. Take the higher road.

4. False Hopes: Be sure to watch how you word your letter. You can easily lead your partner into thinking that there is a chance for the two of you to get back together. You don’t want to give them false hope. If you are thinking about giving them a second chance, then you are not writing a break up letter. It’s more of a warning letter. “You better change or I’m going to kick your ass to the curb”.

5. Let It Marinate: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written an e-mail, sent it and only wish I had thought about it for a second longer. Once you hit the “send” button, it’s over. There is no going back. You better think long and hard about what you are doing and what you are saying. It’s probably a good idea to write it and put it to the side. It’s also a bad idea to write when you are angry. I mean, go ahead and get it out, you might feel better. I would rip it up and throw it away  and start over. Go back and read your letter a day or two later. Do you still feel the same way? If so, it’s probably a good idea to send that sucker.

DO NOT say “Let’s Just Be Friends”:  I can’t tell you how much I want to throw up when I hear this. It makes me sick just thinking about it. The funny thing is people actually say this. Do you really think it’s possible to be friends with someone you were intimate with? I’m sure it’s easy for you to think that since you are doing the dumping. No one wants to hear that. I’m not saying that you can not be friends down the road, but come on, really? You’re better off leaving this line OUT of your break up letter. 

DO NOT say “It’s not you, it’s me”: Man, I love this one. This one makes me puke, also. What this is basically saying is,” I don’t have the time nor the energy to explain to you why I don’t like you anymore”. No matter what you say, the person you dump is going to think it’s because of them. It doesn’t matter if it was their fault, don’t pull this one-liner out of your ass. Leave it out of your letter.

So, the best way to go about breaking up with someone is to do it in person. I know, it’s hard. Sometimes it’s impossible to get enough courage to do it. If you must write a break up letter, do it up and do it up right.

Funky Links

“Fill-In-The-Blank” Break Up Letter
The Best “Dear John” Letter Ever
The “Dear John” Letter Generator

P.S.- Comments Are Appreciated!