The Queen of Relationships

You’re probably wondering why a chic is telling you how to ‘get a guy’. Of course, I’m not a dude. Although, there have been many times I’ve dreamed of having a penis but that’s besides the point. It’s all about trial and error, baby. I’ve dated enough guys to know what they like and what they don’t like. These are just a few things that I’ve read about and experienced myself. I’m not saying that I follow all of these because you know, I am a woman. Sometimes we can’t help the things we do,  so just take my advice when I say, “Do as I say, not as I do”.  

The First Date: Well, it’s gotta start somewhere, right? A relationship usually starts to bud and blossom from the first date. Most people can tell if they want to continue dating someone during or after the first date. If you are really crushing on someone, you had better make a good impression. Here are a few things you think about before you go on your first date:


A. Be on time: Please do not make your date wait for an hour while you finish getting ready. This is just rude. Guys hate this. I don’t like it either. When people are always late it makes me feel as if they don’t think my time is important or that they don’t respect it. Being fashionably late is so overrated.

B. Dress Accordingly: It’s a good idea to ask what the plans are for the night/day. The last thing you want to do is wear a ball gown to a football game. You don’t want to be too dolled up while he is just casually dressed. 

C. Please Eat: I don’t know why girls feel the need to ‘pick’ at their food when they go out on dates. You should come out with me on the date. I eat my food, my date’s food and then I eat my date. No joke. Please do not get a salad and push lettuce around with your fork. For Gods sake, eat. It’s natural. Of course, I’m not telling you to stuff your face to the point where you get bloated and feel like a pot belly pig. It’s all about moderation, baby.

D. No Kissy Kissy: I know, call me old fashioned but you probably shouldn’t kiss on the first date. Don’t you want to leave him hanging? Don’t you want to give him something to think about? I think it will only make you even more interesting. Just give him a good ole bear hug and call it a night.

E.Don’t Be So Available: So, you’ve had a few dates and it’s moving in ‘that’ direction. You like him. I know, I know we shouldn’t play games but it’s just the way it goes. Try not to make yourself too available. Believe me, guys love a challenge. People always want something they think they can’t have. You don’t want to come across as too eager by jumping every chance to hang out with him. Take your time, take it slow and take time to spend with your friends. He’ll be there when you get back. Just use the force.

F.Don’t Be A Ding Bat: I’m sorry people but Paris Hilton? So, not cool. The only reason guys ever end up with ding bats is because they are hot and have rocking bodies. What guy wants to date someone who acts dingy? Some people are naturally dingy and I am assuming this is okay. I am basically talking about girls that “play” the ding bat. It’s so not attractive. I would like to think men want a woman who is intelligent and who isn’t afraid to show it.

G.Doing The Dirty: Listen, if you are looking for a husband..you need to keep your legs closed. I know, I know you’re horny but hold off. If you sleep with someone too soon, not only will they lose interest but they will assume that you have slept with everyone else “too” soon. You don’t want to look like a hooker. It’s okay to be sexual and to want sex, you just have to time it right. Most guys that hook-up with women too soon usually right her off as just another notch in their belt. You don’t want to be that notch.Mmmk?

H.Unleashing The Freak: If you are a freak, then you go girl but listen up. Do not let your guy know you are a freak early in the relationship. You must try to hold back. I know, it’s hard. Guys would love to think that he was your first and there were no others before him. Of course, this isn’t realistic. If you unleash the freak too soon, this tells the guy that you have had ‘loads’ of experience. Let him take the lead when you start to head down the freak road. Let him think that he is the one that made you freaky. He doesn’t need to know about Tom, “Dick”, or Harry.

I.No Mention Of Sexual Past: Do you really want to hear about all the girls that he banged? No, you don’t and neither does he. There’s really no reason to talk about your sexual past with a guy you are dating. Eventually, the question will come up about how many people you have slept with. If it’s more than seven, just lie. Am I wrong for telling you to lie? No because he shouldn’t be asking you that question in the first place. What happened in the past is the past there’s no reason to go back. Do you really think he wants to picture the number of people that were ‘there’ before him? Um, no. If you don’t want to lie about it tell him, “Enough to know what I’m doing”.

J.Cherish Your Secrets: By cherish, I mean shut-up about it. In the past, I thought I had to spill the beans about my entire life and there were some BIG beans. Green Giant had nothing on me. This is the quickest way to make a man run for the hills. I’ve learned that there are some things your partner just doesn’t need to know. They have painted a beautiful picture of you and I would just keep it that way. Yes, communication is extremely important. It’s okay to open up and tell secrets but just be sure you test the waters before you throw him a curve ball. If you have some serious secrets and you think he will judge you..save it for the honeymoon or just keep it to yourself.

K.Be Confident: Don’t you think confidence is sexy? I don’t know about you but a confident guy is so sexy to me. You want to be confident about your looks and who you are. If you are not confident, fake it until you make it. Don’t ever bitch and whine about how fat you think you are. Guys can’t stand to hear this and they really don’t know how to react to it. “Do this make me look fat?” What kind of loaded question is this? There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Please don’t be full of yourself, that in itself is a total turn off. 

L.Pull Out The Money: Yes, guys are ’suppose’ to pay for the date but be different. After the first few dates, pull out the cash and pay for the meal. This shows him that you are an independent woman. Honestly, me and my man basically take turns. He’ll pay for dinner one night and I’ll get it the next. 

M.Don’t Bash Other Women: A great way to show that you are insecure is to talk bad about other women. Most women call other women “sluts” and “fat” when they are jealous. Can we please come up with something else besides ’sluts’ and ‘fat’? Bashing other women around men is a total turn off. I have never been the type to bash other girls. Actually, I dated this one guy and I always used to compliment women on how pretty they were and before long he thought I was a lesbian. Sometimes you can’t win for losing. If you feel the need to call women “bitches” and “sluts”, save it for your girlfriends.

N. Keeping Up With Your Appearance: I know, you get comfortable and pretty soon you want to pull out the sweats and the granny panties. Please don’t go granny on me. For some reason, when we start to get settled in a relationship we stop trying to ‘win’ our guy over. Hey, we already “got” him, there’s no reason to try anymore, right? Wrong. Don’t let yourself go. If you want to keep the passion going in your relationship, you should always keep trying to dress to impress. There’s nothing wrong with trying to look good for your man even if ya’ll have been together for fifty years. Tip: Please wear sexy panties and stay away from your Grannies!

O. Be Funny: I think men love women who have a good sense of humor. It’s okay to be a little corny sometimes. Well, I’m corny ‘a lot’ of the time. You don’t want to come across as uptight or a prude. Let him know that you are not afraid to crack jokes and laugh at yourself. After all, isn’t laughter the best medicine?

P.Compliment Him: Even the most confident man needs compliments. I try to compliment my man at least once a day. I know I love to get compliments so I assume he does also. We are not hear to make them feel good about themselves but it doesn’t hurt to say sweet things. Tell him he looks nice, that he looks handsome, that he smells good or that he’s good in bed. My man is all of the above.

Q.Don’t Say “I Love You”: I know, it’s hard. It’s only been two weeks and you’re already in love. *coughinfatuationcough*. Slow down and take a chill pill. Let the guy take the lead. You need to just go with the flow. When a guy is ready he will say it.
When a guy thinks he is in love with you, he will eventually say it, I hope. If you been with a guy for more than two years and he hasn’t said those words then you might want to examine the relationship a little bit closer. Yes, it’s okay to say “I love you” first but if I were you..I would just wait for him. I’m not real big on getting rejected.

R. Give Him Space: Please don’t smother your man. You don’t want him to think that you can’t live without him. He needs to know that you can make it on your own. You should be secure enough to let him go hang out with his friends. You need this and he needs this. Plus, the time you are away from one another just gives you the chance to miss each other.

S.Don’t Try To Change Him: The guy you met in the beginning of the relationship is going to be the same guy in the middle of the relationship and the end. Of course, people can change but don’t get your hopes up. There’s no reason to go into a relationship thinking you can change someone. If you feel so strong about certain flaws you want to change then maybe you should look for another boyfriend. It’s much easier to just get a new boyfriend instead of trying to change the one you have now.

So, if you are wanting to get a man and keep him…these are just a few tips to get you started. Of course, there are dozens more but I’ll write about them in the future. Always remember to be confident and sure of yourself. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, you’re beautiful, you’re funny, you’re smart…I mean, come on…why WOULDN’T he want to be with you?

P.S.- Comments Are Appreciated!