The Queen of Relationships

Okay, my lovely readers, gather around the fire…it’s story time. Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a nipple named Nate. Nate wasn’t his perky self because he was battling with being an introvert and was tired of his friends calling him the ‘inverted nipple’…damn, wrong story.

Let’s try this again, people.

Secrets.  Secrets are the silent herpes of the soul. Like herpes, secrets can sometimes be undetectable, hiding underneath the radar- out of sight, out of mind. You can hide them, stuff them, cover them, dilute them, and ignore them. Every now and again,  you will get a secret itch, reminding you that your inner soul is infested with the hidden shame that you choose to hide. Eventually, the silent herpes will manifest and you are likely to have a full-blown outbreak.  Valtrex,  anyone?

Even though Valtrex might subdue the common herp, there’s no magic formula for the hip hop herpes.  Just like herpes, secrets creep and crawl into your inner being, attaching themselves, pulling up a chair, making themselves at home for the rest of eternity (well, your eternity).  And just as herpes is passed from one person to another, generational secrets can be passed down from family to family to you, spreading shame for the mere purpose of avoiding it.

I grew up in a secret society, that society being my family. There was no open policy, like “Just be you, be open, and don’t keep secrets”. Of course, there was no rule as far as secret keeping, it was more less a learned behavior. It was the ‘pink elephant secret’. You know it was there, she knew it was there but no one mentioned it and it stayed within the society. Each person was left to their own demise, all learning how to digest chunks of secrecy in the best way possible- the thing is, you don’t digest secrecy…it sticks to your insides and grows like a fungus, an infection a herpy.

I know, we all have our ‘secrets’.  I’m sorry but a secret is not how much you weigh, we can all see that you’re a fat ass, that’s not a secret. I’m talking about the information that somehow brings extreme shame, and the secret doesn’t even have to be yours. It could be a secret that could bring someone else assumed shame and you are left to throw up your girl scout honor and pledge allegiance to shut the fuck up.

So, what about relationships? Should you keep secrets in relationships? I always wanted one of those relationships where the two of us knew everything about one another, we would also get up in the morning with Mary Poppins, taking a spoon full of sugar and singing with the birds. I would like to think that it’s possible but then again, I’m sure once my partner secretly told me that he enjoys cross-dressing and masturbating to Dr. Phil…maybe there are some secrets that are best kept …secret? What a contracting huzzy I am. But really, I think there are certain levels of secrets. Don’t believe me. Check this out:

Secret: I cross-dress and use banana’s to receive anal pleasure while sucking on a cherry.
Secret: I have hip hop herpes with a cherry on top.

Of course, the person makes the secret. These could be two statements that initially turn into a more realistic truth once someone has vocalized it.  I guess you could say there are random secrets that aren’t important and harsh secrets that could harm someone else, then there are the shame secrets that you carry around with you until you start bleeding from the nose.

Living in an environment where there was a undertone of secrecy, once I left home…I was pretty vocal about my life and the things I had done. My thinking was, here, I am going to lay it all out on the table. I did this, this and that…oh yeah, and some of this too. Don’t like it? No problem, you have that right but please excuse me for not wanting to keep all my skeletons in, pushing me to rot from the inside out. My theory was…if you say it first then you don’t have to worry about someone hearing it elsewhere. Also, it’s not just about beating the crowd, it’s about this feeling that comes with being able to say “Yeah, this is what went down, it happened…I can laugh at it now, so what’s for lunch?”.

The deeper you keep it, the bigger it gets, lying dormant in the bottom of your soul…attaching itself to your nervous system, just like herpes. Am I making sense? Look, secrets don’t make friends and neither does herpes so learn to be open, stay away from hiding issues…you’ll be surprised how relieved you will feel getting things off your chest…beats the hell out of having a hip hop herpy flare up.