The Queen of Relationships

People, I have found the magic formula! I have finally discovered how to find your soul mate!! You know, I grew up not believing in “the one”. I don’t think my brain could ever process the thought of there actually being one special person for me. My soul mate theory has always been: If there is ’someone’ for ‘everyone’, then what if one ’soul mate’ got someone else’s ’soul mate’ by accident, then it would throw everything out of whack. You would have her soul mate, and she would have another woman’s  soul mate and so on and so on. Perhaps I think too much? Perhaps.

Yes, I did I grow up not believing in “the one”, that one special person, that soul mate..but I think that deep down through out my entire life, I’ve been searching. I think I just always stated that I never believed in ‘the one’ for fear of believing in it and being let down. It was better just to say they didn’t exist than to search the world over and find nothing.

I started my search at the early age of 15. I would then proceed to jump in and out of relationships for a good sixteen years. Damn, I’m old. I was in every relationship you could imagine: abusive relationships, co-dependent relationships, relationships out of convenience, relationships out of some sort of desperation, relationships spawned from loneliness, pressure or just pure boredom. For sixteen years I searched, and nothing. As each relationship faulted, I started to feel like I was treading water or fighting an uphill battle. What was I doing wrong? Why did I continue to get in bad relationships and date people that were all wrong for me?

Magic Formula: What I am about to say is so obvious but people miss it quite often. All of those years of searching were really wasted. Okay, they weren’t ‘completely’ wasted, I learned a lot but you get my point. While searching the world for my soul mate, I was actually searching for the wrong person all along. I should have been searching for myself. I had no idea who I was. I had no idea where I was going and I had no idea who I wanted to be. Think of where I could be now if I had only started searching for myself years ago. You can not find a soul mate if you are not where you need to be in life, so to speak.  I’m not saying that you can not find someone, but the chances of it being a relationship that will last is pretty slim to none. Being clueless as to who you are will only make the relationship difficult and relationships should not be difficult, by any means.

I did it completely backwards. I thought, mmm…as soon as I found that ’someone’ then I’ll figure out who I am. This isn’t the way it works. Obviously, finding someone and then finding yourself, you might find out that you can’t even relate to that person. Before you go on your soul mate searching journey, you need to do a good bit of soul searching yourself. Take time off from dating and have some ‘me’ time. Learn who you are. Learn what you like and dislike. The closer you get to finding yourself, the easier it will be to find someone that you can relate to.

I always got so heated because I could never find anyone that fit. Little did I know, I had no idea what kind of person I wanted or what exactly I was looking for, which allowed me to settle. Not long ago, I took about a year and half off from dating. I finally got the ‘me’ time that I needed. I spent that year gathering my thoughts, dealing with issues and spending time with my son. I was completely broken from all the relationships in the past and it was finally time to heal all wounds. It’s not a good idea to go into a relationship with a open wound. Don’t expect the next person to bandage it up. This is your job. Time is on your side. It heals all wounds right?

So, this is my deep thought for the day. If you are searching for your soul mate, you might want to do a self check. Are you at that point in your life where you are comfortable with who you are? Do you feel like you might have a little more work to do? I know there is no possible way to go into a relationship without any flaws. No one is perfect. . We all have some sort of baggage but what’s important is how we carry it. Please deal with issues before jumping into the next relationship. Give yourself time to search for who you really are. Once you do this, you will feel more confident about who you are and you will have a better idea of who you are searching for, your soul mate.

PS- Comment Are Appreciated!

The Queen