The Queen of Relationships

A  friend of mine came over the other day, blabbing on the phone, like most of us women do. She walked in my room, phone glued to ear, and I heard her say, “Oh, you know she’s got some, she’s probably got a collection of them”. She looked at me and said, “Where’s your collection?”. Um, my stamp collection is in the bottom drawer where the curling iron is. “No, your porn collection”. Mmm, let me think if I have a porn collection..:I’m thinking, I’m thinking: Nope, I’m pretty sure I don’t have one. What? The foul “Queen of Relationships” doesn’t have a porn collection? Just because I like to say dick and fuck doesn’t mean I like to watch it on the tv. Needless to say, it was my friend’s birthday and she wanted to get with her man and have a pornish night with ass slapping and titty tweaking, I wasn’t invited. Dammit, I’m such a loser. So, what about this porn stuff? What do I think about porn? Let me tell you my first experience with porn. In college, I had a gay friend whose parents were coming into town to visit. He was afraid his mother would go snooping so he made me hold on to his porn. Well, my roomy and I got the great idea to pop popcorn and watch porn. Pop-porn! I grabbed the bowl of popcorn (because I am a piggy) and got ready to watch the porn. I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to do while I watched porn. Was I suppose to bust out my dildo? Was I going to feel uncomfortable because I was watching it with my girl roomy? Was this going to lead to some girl on girl action? Read the rest of this entry »

I know what you are thinking, “Duh, we all know Madonna is a whore”. *cough* I’m not really talking about “THAT” Madonna. No sir, the Madonna I am talking about doesn’t vogue nor does she live in a material world. Through the years, you’ve probably heard all the stories about men trying to bone their partner, getting the popular, “Not tonight honey, I have a headache”. Society has conditioned our minds to believe that all men want sex and women just do it to shut them up. I’m sure there are a few truths to this. Yes, I admit it, I have had sex just to shut someone up. It didn’t work. The more they get the more they want, right? Can you blame them? Needless to say, this isn’t the direction I wanted to go in, excuse me while I do a 180. *superhuman zip zap doodle 180*

Ever heard of women that can’t get sex? Well, I mean, I am sure there’s always someone that’ll do them but I am talking about women not getting sex from their man. GASP! Oh yes Jeana, it happens and it happens a lot. This topic was spawned through deep thinking, chanting and looking back on my own personal situations. Yes, I have personal situations. Wanna hear about them? Pull up a chair. Let me first say, I was hesitant to even write about this because it’s somewhat personal but since most of my readers are out in cyber sexspace, I convinced myself that it was okay. The way I see it is, if all my bitching and moaning helps just one person- my work is done here and I will get my crown in heaven…or whatever is after the after. Hot Dog, anyone?

Let me first start off by saying, deep down- I know I ain’t ugly. I don’t think I’ve gotten hit with the ugly stick. Now, I’m not saying this to come across as conceited because if you knew what kind of shape I was in (regarding this situation) you would notice that conceited is the wrong term, more like beaten down and oppressed. Damn, that seemed kind of sad when I typed that. (I would like to invite every one to my pity party tomorrow at 4:00.) Read the rest of this entry »