Oh snap! You just got dumped. Ouch. Want me to kiss your bo bo? I know it hurts. I know the first question you are asking is, “Why?”…”For the love of God, Why?”. Oh, don’t worry, “It’s not you, it’s me, baby”. It doesn’t matter what they tell us, it will never be good enough. There will never be a good enough explanation for being dumped. I know what it feels like, I’ve been there. There’s something about rejection that leaves the worst taste in my mouth or maybe it was the squash I just ate. Regardless of your sex, age or race, there is no discrimination when it comes to rejection. So, you just got dumped, now what?
Take It Like A Champ: I know, I know what you want to do. You want to pull your hair out and scream to the world, “Whhhhy” (in slow motion of course). Why is the first question we all ask. Don’t expect to get an answer that will give you closure, this usually never happens. They have probably been thinking about dumping you for months, so by the time you pop the “why” question, they probably won’t have the answer. Even if they did have an answer, it probably wouldn’t satisfy you.
Look, you’ve gone this long without being classified as “psycho”, so don’t go there. Whatever you do, do not go into psycho mode. This would include setting clothes on fire, bawling, screaming profanities, begging them to take you back,etc. I can’t express to you how important it is to keep your cool. Rejection alone is bad enough, there’s no reason to wallow in it. If someone straight up dumps you, why don’t you say, “I was kind of thinking the same thing”. This way there is some sort of balance to it and you can have them walking away feeling a little rejected themselves. Doesn’t feel too good now, does it?
Grieve Gracefully: You are going to have to accept the fact that it’s over. No more long walks on the beach and no more candle lit dinner. Excuse me while I puke. It’s okay to grieve. Sometimes getting dumped can feel as if someone has died, like a part of you has died. The only difference is is that your other half is still living and you can’t contact them and cry to them to nurse you back to health. You must be careful not to lose yourself in the grieving process. You should allow yourself a certain number of day/weeks to grieve. I give you permission to eat all the ice cream you want. Go ahead and rent all the sappy movies you can. You can do all this knowing that soon, you are going to have to put the ice cream away and take the movies back to the store.
Look, you are going to have all kind of emotions once you get dumped. It’s normal, okay? You probably are going to be a little confused at first. I mean, honestly, why the hell would anyone dump you? You are probably going to back track and try to figure out where you went wrong. You might end up trying to pick the relationship apart looking for clues and signs. Here’s a clue: It’s over. There’s no going back now. So, after confusion comes the hurt, man does it hurt like hell. It feels as if there are a million oompa loompas punching the inside of your stomach and tugging on your heart. This shall pass.
Then comes the obsession, all of a sudden you will feel obsessed about them. You will think of them 24/7 and every little thing reminds you of them. Eventually, you will become delusional. You will forget all of the times they called you fat or the times they told you you just weren’t good enough. Your mind will play funny tricks on you wiping out your bad memories..making it look as if your ex did no wrong. Finally, after all of these emotions, you will probably end up getting pissed.
Mild doses of anger are okay, it’s only natural. I mean, who do they really think they are dumping you, anyway? Once you bypass all of the other emotions you will be left with the anger. It’s how you deal with the anger that is important.
Forget The Phone: Your phone is going to be your worst enemy after being dumped. Every time it rings, you’ll run to answer it, thinking that it’s ‘them’ calling you to tell you they have made a mistake and that they can’t live without you…but it’s just your mother. Sucks, uh? If you don’t need your phone for ‘business’ purposes, I suggest turning it off for a few days. The ringing will only drive you mad and get your hopes up and down and up and down. Don’t obsess about checking your text messages and voice mail, this will only drive you mad. They aren’t going to call and if they do it’s because they forgot to get something from your apartment.
While we’re on the subject of the phone, I’d figure I’d tell a funny story. I found out a guy was cheating on me once and dumped him. He kept calling me and stalking me. This was back in the day when there were answering machines. I decided to record a new message:
“Hi, you have reached “The Queens” answering machine, if you are a cheater press 1, if you are a no good loser press 2, if you are pathetic and afraid of commitment press 3, if you are all of the above and your name is “Bob”, please press 4 and please hang up.” ….ahhh, good times.
Phone-A-Friend: You are going to have weak moments, hey..we’re all human. You are probably going to have your phone in your hand, staring at it..wanting to dial their number. You are probably trying to think of every reason and excuse to call. There is no reason or excuse good enough to make the call. Please save yourself the embarrassment and DO NOT CALL. I know you are already feeling rejected as it is, we don’t want you to feel even more rejected.
This is what you do. Get out a piece of paper and write down all the number of your close friends. Hell, forget the paper and put them into your speed dial. Whenever you get the ‘urge’ and you will…speed dial a friend asap instead of calling the one that dumped you. Yes, you’re friends are probably tired of hearing about it but that’s what friends are for. Tell your friend that you are having a weak moment and have them remind of you of all the reasons you DO NOT need to call and get them to add in a few, “You don’t need them because _________”.
Get Out Of The House: During a break-up, it’s normal to not want to leave the house. Hell, you probably don’t even feel like getting off the couch to make pee pee. The walls will eventually close in on you and you will be struck with a toxic dose of cabin fever. It’s okay to stay in and grieve but you can’t do this forever. The quicker you get off your bum and get productive, the sooner you are going to feel better. Get out and start mingling. Go join a networking group or something. Read the rest of this entry »
02/27/09 Getting Dumped 12 Comments
