The Queen of Relationships

I’m woman, nice to meet you. Don’t be surprised if I fall in love with you. I’m talking “head over heels”, smitten, cloud 9, and a one way ticket to koo-koo-ville. I will love everything about you. Of course, I’m not ignorant…I know you’re not perfect…like, duh…who is, right? I think being perfect is so 90’s. Well, I mean there are a few things here and there that kind of aggravate me but dammit, you’re so just so cute and …has anyone ever told you how awesome you are in bed? Total TDF! I don’t mind overlooking the small stuff because hey, they’re small right? Don’t they all say not to sweat the small stuff? I’d rather bask in all your wonderful, dreamy qualities and personally, who am I to point the finger? I’m totally not the negative type, I mean…no one wants a Debbie Downers. Am I right? Are you ever going to change?

Wait, what?

Welcome to the fabulous world of women (most women, you, me and even Jenny Craig), isn’t it grand? Yes, we love you for who you are and then we want you to change. So, what’s the problem? The problem lies in our own inability to see things for what and who they are. It’s like this: a horse is a horse, a donkey is a donkey but a horse is not a donkey so you can’t magically make a horse into a donkey.

“once a jackass, always a jackass”?

We get so goo goo over you that we overlook the fact that you have this uncontrollable twitch and the more we get to know you, and the closer we get, the bigger the twitch and in walks in…’the need to change’ you. Look, the twitch was kind of cute at first, I’m not going to lie. It made you unique and I found it pretty amusing that you could twitch to the beat of Michael Jackson. Now, since we’ve been together awhile, well…I see the twitching all the time and to be honest: it’s getting on my nerves. So, um about that…you think you can schedule your twitching before we hang out? I mean, it can be after if you want…no biggie, just choose: now change, please and stop twitching! *twitch*

How confusing it must be for men, here they are loving the moment, basking in the glory of having us fall head over heels for them. They stick out their chest, cock their heads to the side and just as they start to run their fingers through their hair (going into “macho” mode) SHAZAM-WOOKIE-BIZAM-BOP!!

1. Why do you always do this?
2. When are you going to quit doing that?
3. Why don’t you quit doing it?
4. When are you going to change?

Can you please pull over and um, CHANGE?
I’d like a #2 with a large CHANGE!
Got any spare CHANGE?
Dude, where’s my CHANGE?

So, um…about that last night…are you going to CHANGE?

AND………..fade to black…….

I don’t think men are as complicated as we think, aren’t they simple creatures? Are we the ones that always make situations complicated? I mean, all the ‘small stuff’, I’m pretty sure he did most of those things in the beginning. Trust me, everything looks beautiful through Cinderella glasses. Of course, most of us lay on the charm in the beginning of relationships but I think most of us can admit to possibly seeing things and purposely overlooking them. Is it called “being in love” or “being delusional”? Don’t we all want to be in love? Don’t we all want this to be the last relationship, “the one”?

Sometimes we fall into the “this is it” trap, which allows us to sugar coat a number of things, clouding our judgement and making “Mr. No way, No how” into “Mr. Yes way, Right now”.  If you wake up one morning, take a look at your dude and realize that there are more things you would change than not…those boots were made for walkin’.

It’s so funny how we push men to change and sometimes I wonder if we’ve ever thought about changing ourselves. It’s almost impossible to change someone who has been conditioned for so many years, yes…miracles do happen but if you’re looking for a miracle then you might want to go back to koo-koo-ville.

The quickest way to change a man is to change how you react and respond.

Putting all the focus on a man changing, you are settling yourself up for failure and disappointment. There are two things that can happen.

He will change…..He will not change….

Sometimes he doesn’t give a shit about changing, other times he just can’t change. Instead of putting the pressure on the dude and putting the relationship on his shoulders, you should probably do a self-check and evaluate how important the change is to you. You should try reacting differently and responding differently to the things you want him to change and see how that works. If it doesn’t work, then maybe you just got hooked up with “Mr. No way, No how” due to being caught up in the romance goo. Now that you have made it down from the clouds, it’s time to get serious. What are your deal breakers? Please don’t spend the rest of your life trying to change a man. Honestly, if there are so many things you are wanting to change…you are basically trying to push him to be someone he’s not which tells me, you want him to be someone else, which tells me…you’d be happier if he were someone else. So? Go find someone else and save your energy for something that’s not so draining and a little less time consuming.

You might have a slim chance of changing the following:

How he dresses
Bad, quirky habits he might have
Possible hobbies that drive you mad
Maybe friends that have a bad impact on the relationship
Being romantic
Remembering important dates

Good luck with these:

Money management
Addiction
Lack of affection and attention
Abuse
Encouragement
Ambition
Fidelity

So, instead of trying to fix the one you have (to meet your standards) find one that’s already fixed and…um, good luck with that. Will we ever be happy?